


Of Monsters and Night Skies

by eviternalism



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 09:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12078147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eviternalism/pseuds/eviternalism
Summary: The night Rhysand tells Amren about Feyre and what happened under the mountain. (Post ACOTAR/Pre ACOMAF)





	Of Monsters and Night Skies

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily inspired by Third Eye from Florence + The Machine (both the demo and studio version).

When Mor reached the edge of the hill, she whirled around and set her rich brown eyes on me. Her eyebrows formed a delicate arch— an unspoken question.

Looking up at the steep street ahead, I contemplated the possibilities but realised I had already made up my mind when I so much as suspected their intentions for the night. I avoided Mor’s expectant gaze and pretended I didn’t notice Azriel or Cassian also waiting for me to say something.

Mor’s lips curved into a small, sad smile. “You don’t have to, Rhys.”

“I appreciate it, Mor. I really do.” I said, gently. “I just don’t feel like dancing tonight.”

Cassian was about to say something but Mor began walking towards me, her light turquoise dress flowing behind her. “It’s okay. Let’s just go home and rest. We have a busy day tomorrow anyway.” She flashed an assuring smile.

“No, Mor…” I sighed, taking note of how she was wearing her favourite dancing shoes. “Just because I’m not in the mood doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go.” Her smile faltered and I spoke before she could say anything. “It’s alright.”

Azriel looked at Morrigan for a second before shifting his attention to me. “It’s the first night of the Andromeda constellation, everyone is going to be at the clubs.” He always complained when the dancing clubs were too full. “Let’s head back, I should leave early tomorrow anyway.”

He had just come back from a long mission and deserved a night off, so I shook my head but put on a relaxed smile. “No, you go ahead. I’ll stay behind with Amren and then head back home.” As Morrigan turned to look at Azriel, I took a retreating step. “Thank you for taking me out to dinner. Enjoy yourselves, alright?”

One by one, they called out their goodbyes and we set out in opposite directions. Walking down the lit-up street, I tried holding onto the relaxed smile but realised it was no use. As I took a corner, I found myself in front of Amren, who paused as she saw me.

“Well, you might as well help me carry these back to my apartment.” She said as she handed me one of her bags of jars. Of course, she didn’t need help, but I was thankful she tried to find an excuse to let me do something. In any case, I was thankful she didn’t ask anything or try to change my mind.

Just like that, I found myself at ease as we walked along the river in silence. After a long night of conversation at our favourite restaurant, it was nice to have a moment of silence. Even though eating my favourite dish with my favourite people made me feel a little more at ease, I came to realise I would never be able to shake off those fifty years Under The Mountain from my shoulders. But it was nice to be distracted, even though I found it a bit unnerving to be coddled by Morrigan.

But I was thankful nonetheless. So far, she was the only one who knew and it was better to have someone else, other than me, who actually understood everything.

We arrived at Amren’s apartment and I dropped off the bag on one of her tables. I was startled to see that most of her apartment remained the same, even after all those years, unlike Velaris, that had more roads and new towers looming over the older ones. The familiarity was nice.

However, I knew she liked her peace and quiet, so I thanked her for her company and turned on my heel to leave until she spoke.

“Your mating bond glows brighter when you think nobody is looking.” I stood still and heard her sigh deeply. “I don’t mean to pry but I just wanted you to know that if you need my help, with anything, I am here for you.”

“I didn’t think it was visible,” I said, my back still turned, wondering just how much she knew.

“It’s not. Not to just anyone, at least.” She replied and I stumbled to find the right words to say. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

I could’ve left then and there, knowing she wouldn’t try to bring the topic back later. I could’ve gone back home and pretended nothing had happened. But instead, I turned around and told her everything.

Just like Mor, she listened intently, without asking questions or interrupting, except for when she stood up to grab jars to drink or when we moved to talk on her bed. When I finished telling her everything that had happened Under The Mountain, up until Amarantha killed Feyre, my throat was coarse with dryness and my senses became fogged with the heaviness of the memories.

“Rhys?” She whispered, her eyes worried as she watched me on the verge of breaking down.

“The smell of blood here, it— it reminds me of hers.” I managed to get out and she grabbed my arm, dragging me out of the apartment, no questions asked. A while later, we stood by the river and I took in the soothing sounds of the water, the sounds of life in Velaris, the twinkling stars above us. I felt like I could breathe again and told her the final parts in whispers, as we leant on the handrails separating us from the river.

I told her about two days ago, when Morrigan had brought back news that Feyre was engaged and how I spent the following day trying to convince myself that she was better off without me, that she hated me too much to listen to what I had to say, that the feelings of loneliness and sadness that I felt through the bond would come to an end.

That she sacrificed herself so I could be free, that I did terrible things to keep my court safe, even if it meant I might never see my mate again. How utterly miserable I felt knowing I couldn’t do anything without forcing Feyre back into the bargain or possibly going into war with the Spring Court.

“And even if I could see her again,” I whispered, barely. “I don’t deserve her after everything I’ve done.”

We stood there in silence for several seconds, Amren still looking at me, waiting to see if I had anything else left to say. Then, I suddenly felt her hand below my chin and before I could react to the foreign gesture, she tilted my head back. “Rhys, look up.”

My first reaction was to pull away —because when the most powerful person you know has her hand so close to your neck, it’s not something you’re supposed to feel comfortable with— but she held me there and repeated herself, “Hey, look up!” Her command was anything but a whisper, so I obliged.

“The first time I saw you,” she began, “you were a young heir to the High Lord of The Night Court who couldn’t take his eyes off the night sky. You are a dreamer above all and if there is one thing I have learned after millenniums of living here, it’s that a dreamer is a rare gift. But when you shut out the starlight from your life and shroud yourself in your misery… how can you expect yourself to dream when you are barely alive?”

“Feyre—”

“Feyre is alive. And she wouldn’t be if you had let her die in the dungeon, during the second trial or if you didn’t convince the High Lords to revive her. You saved her and in turn, she freed you. It’s both thanks to her and to you that you are here in Velaris.

“After years of suffering, you deserve to be here with us and you deserve to feel love, but you won’t feel it if you keep living like a ghost. So, look up at the stars, realise you are alive and that the spell has been broken, that you no longer have to be so miserable.”

“What I had to do Under The Mountain is something I will always have to carry with me.” I whispered, my voice coarse and broken, but I continued. “I don’t choose to be like this. I’ve come to realise it’s the consequence of being a monster, and that I should learn to live with it, even if it means having to force Feyre to hate me in order to protect what I love. Including her.”

“I am not Fae.” She stated, almost a hiss. “I am certainly not human. I am something to be afraid of, I am the unknown, I am a monster.” She breathed heavier than usual, having shouted so much. “But you don’t fear me. Neither does Morrigan, Cassian or Azriel. You are my friends and you respect me. There was a time in my life where I thought I wasn’t meant to be befriended or loved, but I know now that I am. Being a monster is only a matter of perspective. That being said, do you really think I am a monster?”

I shook my head and she smiled, removing her hand from beneath my chin. “Well, there you have it. But know that, unlike me, you chose to be seen as a monster to protect the Court of Dreams. You’ve given yourself up for every person in this city. Your pain is a tribute to each and every one of us and nobody will ever forget that. You are not a monster, Rhys.”

In those few minutes, Amren had shouted everything I didn’t want to hear as well as everything I needed to hear. And despite finding it hard to believe some of the things she said, for a moment, I let myself believe them.

I slowly tilted my head forward, “Thank you.” She didn’t say anything nor did she look at me, her own head tilted back to watch the stars. I followed suit and returned my gaze to the stars and actually looked at them this time.

There were no clouds in the sky that night, an uncommon occurrence in the fall season. The inky blackness of the sky extended itself above us, speckled with twinkling stars, which reminded me so much of Feyre’s beautiful freckles. I found myself smiling even before I could spot Andromeda, taking her rightful place in the sky. The constellation held one of the few galaxies the Night Court astronomers had ever found, the Andromeda galaxy. The beauty of it never failed to amaze me or humble me, reminding me I was just a speck of life in a universe far beyond anything I knew, no matter how great my powers were.

After a while, Amren finally looked at me and spoke, “Rhys, It took everything in me not to unleash my power and try to save you from Amarantha. Feyre freed you from your shackles and your suffering, so as much I want you to enjoy having Velaris back and no longer worry, you owe it to her to return the favour and release her from Tamlin’s shackles. I don’t care how you do it, but you must find a way.”

I nodded, knowing she was serious and above all, she was right. I would find a way to keep my mate alive, even if it meant I had to make her fulfill the bargain. Of course, in the end, it would be Feyre’s choice, but I promised myself that the moment she felt endangered or needed to leave the Spring Court, I would be there.

“Rhys.” I looked at Amren once more. “Whatever you do, don’t ever stop dreaming.” Without giving me a chance to reply, she turned around and returned to her apartment. I stayed below the stars for a while more before retreating to the house where, for the first time in years, I dreamt of the gentle night sky.


End file.
